Relationships can be very messy because when you involve you feelings. Everything feels like it’s been intensified. Everything that doesn’t upset you, possibly does now. Everything that you overlook, becomes something you noticed. Whether it be the bad things or good, like the way someone vaguely talks about how they feel about you, how someone looks at you when they tell you that you’re beautiful, or when they laugh and you see the way there are crinkles beside theirs eyes. The way they genuinely smile when they see you. Things that may upset you, you’re willing to work out even.
The things that they make you see. The things that they help you with. You just care a lot and sometimes you push your wants away for the benefit of others. Even when it means to respond selflessly.
It took me verbally talking out loud to really notice how I’m wiling to just allow myself to get hurt along the process if things don’t work out. I’ve always seek certainty, a clear future. All those things can’t be reassured, it can only be worked upon. You can only base what you feel about someone, knowing them, and believing they’re worth it. Allowing yourself to just basically free-fall.
You realize all these things about yourself when you genuinely like someone and how you treat them so differently from someone else. You realize how messy feelings can get and even then when you step out from the entire mess, you realize the entire roller coaster of emotions was worth it.
And you realize that although relationships can get messy, there’s always someone worth it. The person that hurts you but the person that mends those pieces as well.